A Drink, A Drug and A Lick
by Illusionsfire76
Summary: Art trade scenario: Garrus and his dad don't really like the idea of Chellick being with Solana. For Garrus it might be understandable because he knows Chell's faults since they worked together , but Chellick's actually a nice guy so why doesn't Dad like him? I'm thinking there was a misunderstanding of some sort that made Papa think Chellick wasn't fit to date his little girl


This is a one-shot that I did for a fellow writer on dA for an art trade meme. This is the scenario she gave me:

**_Garrus and his dad don't really like the idea of Chellick being with Solana. For Garrus it might be understandable (because he knows Chell's faults since they worked together), but Chellick's actually a nice guy so why doesn't Dad like him?_**

I'm thinking there was a misunderstanding of some sort that made Papa think Chellick wasn't fit to date his little girl.

TITLE: **A Drink, A Drug and A Lick**

Garrus and Chellick slinked out of Pallin's office. The rest of the officers on duty gave them both a wide berth; talking and snickering amongst each other. It was no secret that the pair was a notoriously infamous pain the in ass for Executor Pallin. Every time the two turian Detectives went into the Executor's office, it was pretty much guaranteed that the rest of the office got a live audio play-by-play of the duo's latest antics.

This time was no exception.

"Really Garrus?" Chellick asked his partner in exasperation, " 'The Keeper started it'….That's the best you got? Did you hurt yourself coming up with that one?"

Garrus snorted, "What? I didn't hear you offer an explanation."

Chellick stomped to their desk. Why, in the name of Spirits, did he get stuck with a partner like Vakarian? If things didn't change, his career was going to tank before it even got started. He felt so frustrated; always covering for Garrus and saving his ass – their asses. Pallin certainly didn't see any difference between the two of them; to him they were one in the same. He sat in his chair and fumed; glaring at his partner who was casually sipping on a cup of something, completely oblivious to the ass-chewing they just received. The smug look on Garrus' face only served to infuriate him more. Unable to take it any longer, he stood up and started collecting his things; calling it a day.

Garrus looked up at his partner, confused, "Where are you going?"

"I need a drink. I've had enough of your shit for one day," he grunted.

Garrus set down his cup and looked at the time; only an hour before their shift was over. He figured that Pallin wouldn't care since they just got their daily ration of ass-reaming. He felt guilty for getting his partner in trouble, again.

"Let me make it up to you," he offered sincerely, "and buy you a few rounds at Dark Star. It's the least I can do after the shit storm we just got."

Chellick eyeballed his partner, contemplating the offer; wondering what the catch would be this time.

"Look, no catch," Garrus said, as if he read Chellick's mind, "I promise."

After a few seconds, Chellick caved. _What the hell,_ he thought, _Screw it. It's his credits._He huffed out a deep sigh and nodded.

Garrus flared his mandibles into a grin and got up; grabbing his jacket off the chair. They walked out of the office and headed for the bar.

A couple of hours later, the bar was thumping with bass mixed with the loud yelling of the patrons. The two turians had made a home for themselves at one of the corner table not far from the bar. Garrus had lost track of how many drinks they had or what round they were on but he knew it was enough to make his head swim. Chellick was always a lightweight when it came to alcohol and he was already slurring his words and slouching in his seat.

"Ssseriousssly Garrusss…. Whatthefuck… is your problem?" he asked his partner.

"What are you talking about Chell?" Garrus replied with mock ignorance.

Chellick huffed and took another swig of his ale.

"Don't screw with me Garrus….you know damn well what I'm talking about. E'ry time you fuck with Pallin, yafuckwith .. my career…You always gotta do the 'zact opposite of what Pallin says…" he said, his head rolling back against the seat.

Garrus took a drink of his own ale and regarded his friend, thinking of a reply.

"I don't do that! I do my job. I can't help it if shit happens," he retorted.

Chellick studied his friend, slightly swaying; trying to process the answer amidst the alcoholic haze.

"Whatshit?...it wasssyouridea to 'interrogate'', he paused for emphasis, "the keeper….an'then ya jusssshad …ta tak'im back to my place."

Garrus held his hands in surrender, "Okay, okay yeah that was me…but I seem to recall you holding the ass-end of that thing all the way back," he laughed.

Chellick scanned the bar for the waiter now that his glass was empty again and waved down a half-naked asari.

"Gimmea brandy," he ordered; flaring his mandibles and openly gawking at the scantily clad waitress.

She sneered in disgust at him clearly not interested or happy that he was leering at her. She took his empty glass and with a light flare of her biotics, bounced his head off the table.

He grunted in pain as he sat upright again; watching her curvy blue ass walk away from the table.

"You deserved that," grunted Garrus not amused, "You need to get laid."

"Mmmmm…" hummed Chellick, "…that reminds me. I have a date with yerhot sisterrr," his mandibles whirling; thinking about the last date he had with Solana.

"Don't talk about my sister like that!" Garrus snarled; smacking his partner hard upside the back of his head just under his fringe.

"HEY! WHATHEFUCK ASSHOLE!?" Chellick yelled, drawing his own hand back; ready to return the favor when the sexy asari walked up to the table.

"There a problem here?" she asked; directing the question at Garrus who appeared to be more sober.

"Nothing I can't handle…." he replied; his undertones trilling a warning at his friend.

"Okay," she nodded and turned her attention to the other turian. "You enjoy that drink," she said sweetly, "I made it especially for you."

"Oh really?" Chellick grinned widely; taking a deep drink out of the glass she brought him.

She licked her lips; giving him a sultry smile, her biotics glowing a faint blue.

"Well?" she purred.

"It'sssssvery goooood," he slurred back.

"Good," she smiled, licking her lips again. She turned away toward the bar, slowly swaying her hips; letting her ass bounce with each step.

"You can put your tongue back in your face now," Garrus growled.

Chellick snorted and slid out from the table. The room swayed and he reached out a hand to the table to steady himself. Closing his eyes, he shook his head and tried to clear his vision. He wavered for a moment and slowly made his way to the bar; grasping at tables and chairs along the way to keep him upright. Reaching the bar, he leaned hard on the counter top. His head swiveled slowly, looking at the other patrons talking amongst themselves around the bar. He was scanning for that waitress again; the idea of getting some action tonight stuck in his brain.

Deciding to wait until she appeared again, he made himself comfortable on one of the barstools; completely forgetting about Garrus. As he sat there, the flashing colors from the dance floor started to swirl crazily in his vision mixed with the various alien faces that surrounded him and he started to snicker. The sound of the music began reverberate and pulse in his head; blending with the echo of the conversations that surrounded him. The colors were sharp; brilliantly vibrant and now pulsing in rhythm with the music. He felt like he could almost touch them and with a loose turian grin on his face, he swiped at them; snickering louder watching the colors ripple and blend some more.

As he followed the pretty rippling colors, he noticed the human female sitting to his right. She had long blonde hair, so strangely foreign in comparison to fringe; especially the turian female variety. It sparkled and shimmered in front of him; trailing in slow motion every time she moved. Something told him that it was a bad idea, but the urge to know what it felt like in his fingers overwhelmed him. He found himself reaching out a taloned hand toward the flowing yellow strands when suddenly another similarly taloned hand grabbed his wrist stopping him within inches of it.

"You don't want to do that, Chell…" Garrus said firmly.

"B-but…yessss..yesss I do….itssss sparkly…" he slurred, staring at the human's head.

"Chellick…." Garrus growled at his friend; trilling out another warning but noticed that his friend wasn't paying attention to him anymore.

He watched as Chellick swayed his head away from the human female and poked the air again and chuckle at whatever it was he saw. He couldn't but chuckle himself, at the bizarre way his partner was acting; completely captivated some random imaginary thing. He motioned to the asari waitress and she sidled over.

"Can I help you?" she asked.

"Uhmmm…. yeah…what did you do to my friend?" he asked, quirking a brow plate at her.

"What do you mean?" she said innocently, "I didn't do –"

"Don't," he cut her off, "We're C-Sec officers. I know when people are lying. You're lying," he huffed, taking deep drink of his ale; finishing it.

"Shit," she muttered and sighed in resignation, "Fine. I slipped him some Creeper in his brandy. It'll wear off soon. I've had enough assholes gawking at my ass tonight. Your friend annoyed me so I was teaching him a lesson," she shrugged and paused. "Are you gonna arrest me? Cuz, if you are, you better do it soon…."

"No… he deserved what he got," Garrus grunted, "If I were, why soon?"

She simply pointed at Chellick who had wandered away down to the other end of the bar. Garrus snapped his head to left; following the direction of her finger. He felt his mandibles go slack and jaw fall open as he watched the horrifying scene unfold; knowing that anything he tried to do would be too late.

Chellick had shuffled his way down the alongside the bar till he came to a stop behind a drell who seemed to be obliviously drowning his own sorrows. Garrus helplessly watched as Chellick seemed to sniff the air around the drell, like a varren looking for a snack. The cold horror turned into a sickening nausea as he watched Chellick's jaw open and his long blue tongue emerge; his intent all too clear.

_OH SPIRITS! NO!_

Garrus quickly pushed hard, away from the countertop; his feet stumbling beneath him in his haste to get to his partner before the unthinkable happened. As he untangled his limbs, he looked up in time to see the tip of Chellick's tongue touch the base of the drell's skull; licking it from base to crown in a big, long slurp. He felt his innards cringe and pushed down the urge to vomit.

_FUCK!_

The drell, in one lightning fast fluid movement, turned and landed a hard right cross on the turian's left mandible. Garrus palmed his face as he heard Chellick crash into the table behind him. He sighed heavily and made his way over to the drell. After helping his partner upright, he turned to the drell opening his mouth to apologize on Chellick's behalf.

"Mr….ah…" he started.

The drell held up his hand and shook his head.

"Krios," he said, "Please do not concern yourself," he gave Garrus a once over and continued, "Officer….?"

"Vakarian," Garrus finished; trying to hold Chellick steady.

He watched as the drell walked out of the bar and turned to Chellick trying to decide what to do. Before he could make a decision, Chellick grabbed is arm; activating the omni-tool.

"Oooooooo….pretty colors…..whoa…." purred Chellick, poking a talon at the holographic images.

"Chell….what are you doing? Let go of my arm!" he ordered.

"Nnnnnoooo…pretty… ooooo… need to call pretty lady…." he half purred, half slurred.

_Sol!_

Alarmed, Garrus quickly tried to think of what to do. There was no telling what Chellick would say under the influence of such an odd mixture: alcohol, Creeper & drell; of all things. He gripped Chellick's hand and pried him off his arm.

"I think it's time to go Chell," he said firmly.

"Nooooo….need to …wait….pretty colors…." he slurred again; trying to get Garrus' omni-tool again.

Garrus huffed as held his friend upright and led him to a nearby table and sat him down in the booth.

"Now," he said looking into Chellick's overly dialated eyes, "stay here. Don't move. I'll be right back."

Chellick pointed again at Garrus' arm, "….pretty …colors…?"

Garrus grunted in exasperation and took the omni-tool off laying it in front of Chellick. If it meant keeping him out of trouble and in one place, he could have it.

He pulled it toward him and clicked it on; his mandibles flaring into loose grin and forgetting all about Garrus. Garrus watched him for a moment as he played with the holographic keys; oblivious to everything else. Satisfied, he went to the bar and motioned to the waitress again. She reluctantly walked over, not wanting to talk to Garrus again.

"Yeah?"

"Keep an eye on him," he ordered; motioning back to Chellick.

"Hey! I'm not a fucking babysitter!" she snapped.

"You are now," he retorted, "You're the one who drugged him. I can still arrest you for that you know..."

"Fine…okay, okay, I'll watch him," she grumbled.

He nodded and walked away; heading for the restroom. After that, he was taking Chellick home before he decided to lick someone else or worse.

Chellick swiped at the omni-tool holo-keys; watching them dance, swirling and blending in his vision. The colors pulsated and hummed; turning into odd weird shapes. Strangely enough, one of those shapes looked just like Solana and with a happy trill, Chellick poked at it. Suddenly all of the shapes went away and he pouted; his undertones whining in disappointment. A few seconds later a familiar turian face took up the interface, it swam lazily before him but he recognized the clan markings immediately.

"Soooollannnaaa…" he said with an exaggeratedly gleeful trill.

"What?! Who is this?" the voice demanded, "Where is Garrus? Why are you using his omni-tool?"

"Solllll….whatsssswrong withyer voice? Are you sssick?" he asked attempting to be coherent.

"Chellick? Is that you? Do you know what time it is?" the voice was now irritated.

"Yessss Sollll….itsssssme. I jusssst wanted ta call you and tell you how pretty an' hot I think you arrrre… Yer fringe issssssso lovely and well shaped like yer asssssss thatsssssooo ssssupportive an'curvy...the cuuurrly markingsss ya'paint on are sssso sexy…" he said in a rush; words blending into one another and his tongue accentuating them suggestively.

"Chellick…." the deep voice paused, "What the _HELL_is wrong with you?!"

"I dunno…."Chellick stopped for a second before answering, "I had ssssome drinkssss..withyer brother… an'I licked a drell….I liiiked iiit….tha'wasss cooool….allll the colorsss..sssooo pretty.. like yoooou Ssssol…" he grinned widely again letting his tongue hang out; wiggling it for emphasis.

The image on the omni-tool just blinked, stunned.

"I reeeeally…lick…like… yoooou Sssol…. I knooow you like meee too….weee should fork…an'have babiessss…." he finished and waited for a reply.

The face blinked again as the seconds ticked by; the words sinking in. Slowly, the mandibles twitched then fluttered; rapidly turning into a whirling frenzy.

_**"WHAT?! YOU WANT TO DO WHAT WITH MY DAUGHTER?!"**_the face roared at him.

Now it was Chellick's turn to blink and stare.

Garrus emerged from the bathroom and was making his way back to where he left Chellick; praying that nothing else happened. His face fell when he saw that Chellick was apparently talking to someone on his omni-tool. Inwardly he cursed himself for not locking that feature and hoped that whatever Chell said would be fixable in the morning. Coming to the table, he grabbed the omni-tool from Chell's hands and immediately shut it off; effectively ending the conversation in progress.

"Heeey!" Chell said indignantly, "Tha'wassss yer sisterrr!"

Garrus palmed his forehead, _Spirits!_

After putting the omni-tool back on, he collected Chellick from the table and guided him toward the door. He would take him back to his apartment and worry about the consequences in the morning.

The early morning light poured into the living room of Garrus' modest apartment. Chellick stirred on the long, narrow couch; rolling onto his side and promptly onto the floor, landing with a loud thud. Sharp pain reverberated in his head and he felt a wave of nausea begin to swell in his stomach. He forced himself still waiting for it to pass before trying to move again. After a few seconds, the feeling subsided and he pushed himself painfully upright; sitting on the floor with his back against the offending couch. He held his head in his hands and glanced around the room trying to figure out where he was. It was familiar but he couldn't place it; his head in too much pain.

Garrus was startled awake by the loud noise coming from the living room. His eyes blinked open and listened; waiting for another sound. When none came, he relaxed slightly and then remembered who was in the living room. Suddenly the memories of the night before came flooding back in a rush of images: the asari waitress, Chellick being drunk, the spiked drink,… and … oh Spirits… the drell. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply wishing he could forget that particular memory. Suddenly he remembered giving his omni-tool to Chell to keep him in one place and occupied. He looked down and relaxed when he saw it on his arm; relieved that Chell hadn't decided to take it in the middle of the night. He brought his arm up and clicked it on, thumbing through the recent actions…..and felt the pit in his stomach sink into oblivion.

_Shit…_

The last action was a call to his father. _SPIRITS._What had Chellick said?

Groaning, he swung legs over the side of the bed and braced himself for the day ahead. He groggily dug out his usual uniform and got dressed. A quick glance in the bathroom mirror told him he looked fine and made his way down the hall toward the living room.

He sat down on the couch next to Chellick's slouched form on the floor.

"How are you feeling?"

Chellick groaned in response.

"Do you remember anything from last night?"

"Nooo…..Oh Spirits, my head….." he moaned.

Garrus grunting in response got up and headed for the kitchen. He gathered the items together to make a strong brew of his favorite coffee knowing that Chellick was going to need it today. After hitting the start button, he glanced at the time figuring they had about half an hour before they had to leave for the office. He went to the living room and sat down on the couch again.

"Do I want to know what happened last night?" Chellick asked timidly; trilling his worry.

Garrus chuckled and shook his head, "Well, do you want to know about the asari that drugged you or the drell that punched you for taking a lick?"

"Wait… what? I was drugged?… or the drell that… what?" he asked thoroughly confused.

"Well, there was this asari…" he began; telling Chellick the events of their night out as he went back to the kitchen and poured them each a mug of coffee. He handed one to Chellick who sipped the hot liquid as he listened; groaning at the antics Garrus described in gut wrenching detail. Then Garrus moved on to the drell and Chellick felt his stomach turn in an unnaturally twisted way. Shoving the mug at Garrus, he got up as quickly as he could and darted for the bathroom. Garrus rolled with uncontrollable laughter; his mandibles twitched and whirled wildly, gulping for air nearly choking on his own coffee.

He was still snorting with laughter when Chellick emerged from the bathroom; his face unnaturally pale.

"There is one other thing…." Garrus panted.

"Spirits! There's more?! Did I have sex with a hanar too?" Chellick whined, looking like he was about vomit again.

A fresh bout of laughter erupted from Garrus and his chest convulsed as he fought for breath. After about a minute, he forced a deep breath trying to control himself.

"No, no, no…." he gasped, "you…uhmmm…were playing with my omni-tool. The last activity on it was a call to my father. You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

"No! Hell, I don't even remember half the crap you just told me!" Chellick protested.

"Okay, okay…" Garrus paused noting the time, "Shit! We need to go or Pallin's going to pop a brow plate."

They had barely sat their desk before Pallin's familiar yell echoed throughout the office demanding their presence. Chellick hung his head in despair and got up. Garrus followed his partner, not looking forward to the inevitable repeat of yesterday's tongue lashing. They sheepishly entered Pallin's office and Garrus' gasp was audible to all of them; bringing him to halt in the middle of the room.

Aetius stood in front of Pallin's desk with his arms crossed and a very displeased look on his face.

"Father….what are you doing here?" he asked; trilling his confusion, desperately hoping that it had nothing to do with last night's debacle.

His father glowered at them and said nothing. Pallin cleared his throat and gestured for them to sit down.

"Is there anything that either of you would like to tell me about last night?"  
The two younger turians looked at one another and said nothing.

"Well then, perhaps one of you would care to explain this…."he paused starting the video feed at his desk.

All of them watched in silence as the vid played out; Chellick gaped in horror as he saw himself on the screen licking the drell that Garrus told him about earlier.

"…or this…Aetius, if you would please," Pallin gestured politely.

Aetius clicked on his omni-tool; keyed a few strokes and then nodded at Pallin. Pallin turned to his desk again keying a few strokes and another vid began to play. This time it was evident that it wasn't typical surveillance but an omni-tool call. It was Garrus' turn to watch in horror along with Chellick as the appalling words from the night before came to life again and echoed throughout the Executor's office.

_"I reeeeally…lick…like… yoooou Sssol…. I knooow you like meee too….weee should fork…an'have babiessss…."_

Inwardly, Garrus thanked the Spirits that Chellick didn't actually call Sol. He didn't want to even think about the damage control he would have had to do. He looked at Chellick in disgust as his partner helplessly gestured his ignorance. The vid stopped and both Garrus and his father looked at Chellick waiting for an explanation.

The seconds ticked by like hours as Chellick struggled to remember, never mind explain, his actions. Suddenly, the door at the back of the office slid open and tall slender female turian with Vakarian clan markings entered; her hips swaying gently with the tempo of her walk.

"Garrus! Dad! I didn't expect to see you here…so early," she said surprised.

"Solana," Aetius said solemnly; humming out a muted greeting to his daughter, "Why did you ask me to meet you here at C-Sec?"

"Oh!" she trilled out happily, "I wanted you to meet my new boyfriend! Thought we could all have lunch...but I see you've already met him," she twittered walking to stand beside Chellick.

_**"The drell-licker?!"**_Aetius and Garrus said simultaneously.

Solana blinked. She studied each of the three men before her; her eyes narrowing on Garrus. She walked over and poked him hard in the chest.

_"What_….did you tell dad?" she accused; her undertones screeching into a high pitch, "What _shit_did you make up to tell dad?!"

"I – I didn't tell him _anything_! Perhaps you should talk to your _boyfriend_," he mocked; pointing at Chellick, "or better yet, you could just watch the vid."

"Right," she sneered, "watch something that you _'calibrated'_together? I'm not stupid! I'm your sister!"

"SOLANA!" Aetius said sternly; his undertones reprimanding his daughter, "I think you should listen to your brother. Until you watch the vid, I forbid you from dating this….this…" he sputtered.

"Drell licker?" supplied Garrus; snickering.

Sol shoved Garrus with a hiss and turned to their father.

"You _forbid_ me to _what_?!" Sol sputtered back; indignant, her mandibles opening and closing in disbelief, "Between you and Garrus, I will _never_ find a mate that will tolerate the two of _YOU_and die a shriveled up old woman!"

Infuriated, she walked over to Chellick and grabbed him by the hand; pulling him toward the door.

"Let's just go," she ordered and clicked her fury at her brother, _Asshole!_

The couple walked out of the office; leaving father and son slack jawed, staring at one another speechless.


End file.
